Some kids...you look at them and they are ready to fly. They are ready to go. You can see it them.
And some kids, you look at them and think, "What in the hell is going to happen to you out there? You have everything to offer, but I don't know if this world and culture is for you..."
And you wring your hands and buy the parenting books and hire the experts, and it helps, a little....but ultimately, you have to love them and yourself through it.
The "it" is the fear.
She’s 17 now and she was born so different, from the jump. Watching other kids…waiting. Quiet. Furrowed brow. Deeply attached to her teachers. Feelings too big to name and too early to have them. Questions about the universe and love and relationships. Her interior landscape is so rich, and she mostly lives there. Overwhelmed by sounds and sights and people and touch.
Her talent is endless. I have never seen a person pick up music or writing or art or languages or curiosity the way she does. It isn’t anything to do with me or her father. She was made like this, and happens to be in an environment where it can take root and bloom.
I desperately want this world to see her and know that she is the most amazing human.
And I am scared.
She is time-blind, and cannot get from A to B (even with a map). She forgets to eat and sleep when she is a creative state, sending her into fugue-like states. She is prone to panic attacks.
I am very much trying not to make a story about her future, but how can’t I when I am her mother?
Please God, watch over her and every child like her. Help them to feel safe and loved in a world that prizes fast and harsh. Help her to see and trust her own heart.
Help me to see I have done enough. And if I haven’t, help me to forgive myself. Amen.
